THE FIFTH SURVIVAL MODE
- Sienna Eve Benton
- Apr 30
- 7 min read
Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn… and the Possibility of “Forget”
When we talk about trauma and stress responses, most people are familiar with the four primary survival modes: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These are not personality traits or conscious choices. They are automatic nervous system responses designed to protect us in moments of perceived threat. This activity introduces a fifth survival mode emerging in modern society discussions today: forget.
Materials: Pen or marker for psych patients.
Download Activity PDF here :
STEP 1 Begin your session with an affirmation:
“My mind built pathways to escape pain;
I can now learn pathways that return me to presence.”
Spend 3-5 minutes discussing the patients interpretation of the affirmation.
Step 2: Discuss the four primary survival modes.
Spend 3-5 minutes discussing the four primary survival modes.
Fight
The fight response is what most people intuitively recognize as survival energy. It mobilizes the body to confront a threat directly. This can look like anger, defensiveness, control, or aggression. On a physiological level, the nervous system is activated, adrenaline rises, and the body prepares to overpower whatever is perceived as dangerous.
In a healthy context, fight protects boundaries and ensures safety. But when shaped by chronic stress or trauma, it can become a default state, even when no real threat is present. Impulsive statements like name calling, yelling, hitting, throwing, breaking items, making threats, and other aggressive oppositional responses are a sign of fight survival mode.
Flight can look like This can look like:
Physically leaving a place or person
Staying constantly busy to avoid thoughts or feelings
Overworking, over-planning, or always “on the move”
Avoiding certain conversations, memories, or environments
Flight
Flight is the urge to escape. This can manifest physically, such as leaving a dangerous situation, or psychologically, such as overworking, staying constantly busy, or avoiding stillness. People in flight mode often feel restless, anxious, or unable to slow down. The nervous system is again activated, but instead of confronting the threat, it seeks distance from it. Flight becomes problematic when avoidance replaces processing, and when a person cannot feel safe unless they are in motion.
Flight can look like
Physically leaving a place or person
Staying constantly busy to avoid thoughts or feelings
Overworking, over-planning, or always “on the move”
Avoiding certain conversations, memories, or environments
Freeze
Freeze is often misunderstood because it does not look active on the outside. This response occurs when the nervous system becomes overwhelmed and perceives that neither fighting nor escaping will work. The body essentially shuts down.
People may feel numb, disconnected, dissociated, or unable to act. Time can feel slowed or distorted. In extreme cases, this can resemble emotional paralysis. Freeze is protective in situations where action could increase harm, but when it becomes chronic, it can leave a person feeling stuck and detached from their own life.
Freeze can look like:
Feeling numb, disconnected, or even in shock
Being aware of what is happening but unable to make a decision or act
Wanting to intervene or respond, but the body feels literally stuck or unable to move
Slowed thinking or overthinking leading to a difficulty speaking or initiating action
Fawn
Fawn is the least commonly discussed of the four, but it is especially relevant in relational trauma. This response involves prioritizing the needs, emotions, and expectations of others in order to maintain safety. It often develops in environments where conflict or rejection felt dangerous.
Fawning can look like:
People pleasing
Difficulty setting boundaries
Losing a sense of self in relationships
Going with the flow until a safe opportunity to leave presents itself
The nervous system learns that survival depends on keeping others happy. While it can create temporary safety, it often leads to long term exhaustion and identity confusion.
Step 3: Invite patients to consider the fifth survival mode: forget
Spend 3-5 minutes discussing the definition of forget.
DEFINITION: To "forget" means to cease to have something in your memory, or to fail to bring something with you. However, it is not just memory loss. It can also be a deeper psychological and neurological attempt to escape reality itself. To cease or intentionally disregard something like forget oneself.
In some individuals, particularly those experiencing psychosis or severe dissociation, the mind constructs alternate realities or belief systems that allow them to distance themselves from overwhelming pain.
This can include delusions, altered perceptions, or spiritual interpretations that reshape reality into something more tolerable.
From a clinical perspective, psychosis involves disruptions in thought processes, perception, and reality testing. However, from a trauma informed lens, it can also be understood as the mind’s attempt to protect itself when reality feels unbearable.
In this sense, “forget” becomes a survival strategy.
Not forgetting in the everyday sense, but a profound rewriting or rejection of the current reality.
Step 4: Discuss how forget presents itself as a psychological escape
In childhood, especially in environments marked by violence, rejection, instability, or control, the ability to mentally escape can become essential. A child who hears constant conflict or feels extreme pressure from parents may retreat inward, creating imagined worlds, stories, or beliefs that soften the impact of what is happening around them.
This is not weakness. It is adaptation.
Over time, this pattern can deepen. In adulthood, it may present as dissociation, memory gaps, or in more severe cases, psychotic experiences that create an entirely different interpretation of reality.
Another form of “forget” can appear in grief.
When someone loses a loved one, the brain is faced with an overwhelming emotional reality. In some cases, it may begin to suppress or blur memories associated with that person. This is not a failure to remember. It is the mind attempting to regulate pain.
The brain convinces itself that if the memories fade, the pain will lessen. A kind of internal negotiation that says, “If I never fully hold onto what was, then maybe I will not feel what is.”
While protective in the short term, this can create additional layers of loss over time.
The Role of Belief Systems
Spirituality and religion can be sources of grounding, meaning, and resilience. However, in certain contexts, they can also become intertwined with the survival mechanism of “forget.”
Some individuals may rely heavily on external authority figures, such as a deity or spiritual framework, to make decisions, interpret reality, or justify actions.
The ‘forget’ mechanism can arise when a person places their sense of meaning or control primarily in these figures, and forgets to trust in their own inner capacity to face pain and grow. In essence, they may place much of their faith in others and forget to also have faith in themselves.
A helpful way to notice this state is when spiritual beliefs begin to override your own inner voice of awareness, calm, or self-trust. It may feel like decisions or threats are coming only from external signs, rules, or interpretations, rather than a balanced sense of both faith and personal judgment.
In these moments, you may notice a quiet disconnection from your own capacity to cope, choose, or grow through difficulty. Returning inward is not about abandoning religion or belief, but about remembering that you are also capable of insight, resilience, and meaningful self-guidance.
Step 5: How is Forget different than Flight or Freeze?
Spend 3-5 minutes discussing how each survival mode can be clearly identified and not confused with each other.
Flight is the response of escaping a real situation, often through physical or mental fear.
Freeze is when a person remains in reality but the system shuts down, leading to numbness, paralysis, or disconnection from taking action or speaking up.
Forget unfolds over a longer period of time and can take years of gradual “deleting” or escaping reality in fragments, where perception, memory, or meaning becomes increasingly altered or unreachable as a way to cope with overwhelming experience.
Forget instead of running from something real, the mind begins to:
Blur, suppress, or lose access to memories over longer periods of time
Dissociate from identity, present moments, or surroundings
Create alternative meanings or belief systems that make reality more tolerable
In more severe cases, construct an entirely different reality, as seen in psychosis
Ultimately:
Flight = Movement away from a real threat
Freeze = Reality is still intact, but the person’s ability to feel or respond to it is reduced
Forget = Movement away from reality when it feels unbearable over time
“Forget,” especially when it involves dissociation or psychosis, requires a more careful approach. The goal is not to force reality back on someone, but to gently rebuild a sense of safety within reality so they do not need to leave it in the first place.
An example of ‘forget’ as a psychological coping mechanism can be seen in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. The opening scene illustrates how Walter navigates his ordinary world, showing how his environment contributes to the frequency of his imagined escapes and how those inner experiences begin to shape his perception and behavior in reality.
As the film progresses and Walter changes his environment and daily routine, these visions begin to occur less frequently, reflecting a gradual shift from escaping reality to engaging more fully with it. While watching the film, notice the steps Walter takes that slowly start bringing him back to his reality.
Step 6: Journal Prompt & Affirmation
“My mind built pathways to escape pain; I can now learn pathways that return me to presence.”
Which survival mode do you feel you are in most of the time?
___ Fight
___ Flight
___ Freeze
___ Fawn
___ Forget
How often do you experience being in survival mode?
___ When I am in a certain environment
What Kind:
__ loud spaces
__ crowded spaces
__ dirty spaces
Other:____________________
___ When I am with a certain person
Who:
__ relatives
__ friends
__ alone
Other:____________________
___ When I do a certain activity
What:
__ work
__ school
__ caregiving
Other:____________________
What helps you feel safe and reduces slipping into survival mode?
___ Environment (clean space, quiet room, nature, familiar setting)
___ Person (someone who feels calm, supportive, or grounding)
___ Place (home, park, specific safe location)
___ Music (calming, familiar, uplifting, instrumental)
___ Activity (walking, journaling, art, cleaning, stretching)
___ Body-based support (sleep, food, hydration, breathing, movement)
___ Animals (feeding birds, visiting a dog park, personal pet, pet sitting)
___ Other: _________________________________________________
